you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
40s are totally the cure
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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