Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize