why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
