Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
