I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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