i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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