why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
