I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
