You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm too high and old for this...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize