I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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