i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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