You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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