he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
