I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
