her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
