Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize