Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
