After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize