Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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