i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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