Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
