Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
