It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize