Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
