Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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