Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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