On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
