before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
