I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
