I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
