Christians are straight up FREAKS
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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