Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize