Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
