the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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