Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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