I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Cover your peen. We're going out.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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