At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
