it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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