not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
