I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
