New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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