evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
