What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
