I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize