If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
