I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
