Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
