youre lurking in front of me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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