Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize