Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
