so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
