I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
