Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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