if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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