i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
