i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
