did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
