Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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