I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize