Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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