I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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