I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
