I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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