Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
