my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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