I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He better not be in your backpack
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
