okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
