I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
