I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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