Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
