Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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