I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize