I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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