I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
