Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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