Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
