I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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