how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
