So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
