I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
