Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
