i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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