I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
