I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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