A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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