I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You ruined the universe
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize