my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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