Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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