I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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