It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize