Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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