Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
