The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
