I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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