I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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