i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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